Once you have a place to begin after working out some core beliefs, you will find it helpful to have some tools. The next few posts will be about that. One of the most freeing is the phrase, “in our family.” It helps you set expectations, explain beliefs, and establish leadership. It can also help you work things out with extended family, parents of your children’s friends, and neighbors. At least you will have a place to begin.
Here are some examples:
The children are upset that their cousins get to have dessert every night. You reply, “We have learned that having sugar every day is not helpful. In our family, we save desserts for special treats, parties, or big family occasions.”
Someone in your neighborhood cannot trim their hedges, and the homeowner’s association has sent them a letter. You tell your family that it is important to take a couple of hours to chip in. “In our family, we help others.”
There has been constant bickering for toys or space for several hours. “In our family, we take the time to get to the bottom of things. It is family meeting time.”
Long-range parenting 
Teach children that parents always get the final say but that in our family we have a family council as a forum for family discussions about issues in the family. The family council meets once a week to discuss expectations and review of the week. All family members have a voice and children learn to discuss important matters within families and the value of family as a place where their opinion matters and everyone is respected and most importantly loved.
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