Use encouragement and real details in the moment, not praise. Encouragement is more specific than praise and it helps the children focus on effort and perseverance (things they can control) more than talent (which you have or you don’t) “You did it! You solved the puzzle by yourself.” helps in the long run more than “You are so smart!” Look up Carol Dweck for more information about Growth Mindset and how to support it. The modern concept of “grit” has its roots in Dweck’s work.
Celebrate successes. Not with “Good job!” or “I knew you could do it!” Those are about you, not the child. If you focus on how much they helped you with some task that is actually a household task, they think that all the household chores are your responsibility, and you have undercut the training you are doing about contributing to the family.
There are so many more options to acknowledge accomplishments. “Woo-hoo!” works great, as does a silent cheer. Some other ways are pointing out how happy they look with their painting, how much progress they made with their schoolwork, or how much it helped everyone when they cleaned the floor. When you work on the yard together, you can say, “Great. Now we can play in the yard.”
Have fun together. Playing together is different from coaching or teaching. If invited, play what they are playing, but careful not to take over or show off. However, they also find it condescending if you obviously let them win. Sometimes you can ask if they would like to learn a trick to doing something better. If they say yes, then you are on to training mode.
Long-range parenting 