I am so delighted that my sister, Mandy Barton, has agreed to add her wisdom to this series. She wrote the following to support all of us during this challenging time. Hopefully you find her as helpful and inspiring as I do. Not only has she successfully accomplished education in settings that range from traditional, home-school, experiential, independent, high school and university, she is also home-schooling her own children.
As a long-time homeschooling parent, I know that many people finding themselves at home with their kids all day are feeling overwhelmed or even panicked. I’m hearing more worrying about what to do with the kids for that time than I am about the economy or even the virus. For reasons! This is a totally new lived reality for most folks, and so both adults and kids are beginning already off balance. My brother suggested I share some tips for my fellow JeffCo parents who are having a rough time of it. So without further ado, here are a few:
1) Make time for movement. For all kids, especially younger ones, time to move and play is absolutely essential. We start every school day by taking the dog for a short walk around the neighborhood. (If you have one, swings are great for helping kids feel rooted in their bodies!) If you need to stay in your house a skipping song, movement game or dance party will help your kiddos feel happier and more secure, and more ready to focus.
2) If you’re doing at-home learning or starting to homeschool during this time, my best advice to you is this: Don’t try to replicate school at home! It will be confusing and frustrating for everyone. I don’t know how the JeffCo online learning is working, but most kids shy of high school age will not do well being expected to sit in place and just listen for hours. They will need breaks and engagement from caregivers. As homeschoolers, we usually work hard to get our main lessons – our reading/writing/arithmetic, etc, done in the earlier part of the day, then move into our field trips, fun art projects, and such after lunch. Right now we can’t go anywhere, but it’s still a helpful rhythm.
3) Speaking of rhythm: Most kids are used to a steady routine/schedule. That’s what you have to do when you are moving lots of kids around from thing to thing! At home, I find it easier to think of it in terms of rhythm. Rather than the schedule of math from 9-10, English from 10-11, 15 minute recess… an at-home rhythm is knowing what to expect (we’ll start with math, work on that a while, move on to our English, take breaks as we need them, then put everything away for lunch, etc) rather than being tied to a clock. This also offers freedom to explore if something is particularly engaging, or cut short if something needs a rest before getting through a mental block.
4) Make time for boredom. Have time where your kids aren’t being actively instructed by anyone, where you aren’t committing to “do something” with them. It is good for them. You will definitely get some pushback, but it’s amazing what kids will come up with to learn and do when not otherwise occupied. It helps if you have crafting stuff and books handy. (And regarding mess: kids old enough to go to school are old enough to clean up their own crafting messes. If you teach them how now, you will be less afraid to get the craft stuff out in the first place… and their teachers will thank you once they go back to school.)
5) Engagement. Find a healthy balance here. Many parents need to work from home, and during that time, you just need your kids to be safe and okay. And that’s all right. They can have some screen time, they can have some bored time, they can engage with their teachers online – really whatever works best so you can survive and do your work. We adults also need some downtime to try to wind down from the stress of this situation. I can guarantee, though, that your house will be happier and calmer if you can dedicate some time every day to just focusing on your kiddo(s) – put your phone down, let the news do what it will for a while, and play a board game, or a card game, or let them teach you a game, or just let them talk to you. Maybe read a book together, watch a beloved movie and then talk about it. Or get outside together.
6) Don’t panic about learning. It’s possible that JeffCo’s kids won’t go back to school at all this year. We don’t know. But even if they don’t – it will be okay. They might lose a little ground, but they will pick it up again later. They will probably learn better for the rest! Human children are driven to learn about the world around them, and they will. Many times when parents start homeschooling, experienced homeschool parents recommend that they “de-school” for a couple of months. That looks like not even trying structured lessons, just letting them read what they want, lay on the couch and be bored, sleep when they need to and wake up when they wake up… and just about universally, kids do this a while and then find themselves eager to start learning again. And they learn from everything: let them help make dinner; teach them to make dinner! Take time to answer their “why” questions from taking a walk outside and looking at trees and bugs and clouds. If you don’t know the answers, show them how you try to find answers online. That will serve them better than memorizing answers anyway.
7) Treasure this time. I know, that one sounds nuts. But for most people, days are a constant rush – leap out of bed, speed through breakfast and get ready to go and head out the door. Pickup, activities, homework, bedtime for early morning, then do it all again. Weekends are often a marathon of birthday parties, sports games and events. We are being forced to slow way down, to take a breather and just be together. This can be a beautiful chance for connection, for learning who our children really are and being there for them with comfort and calm in a scary time.
Ok, thanks if you’re still reading. I hope this is of some service to you. Hang in there, take good care of yourselves, and get lots of sleep. Sending you blessings and my best wishes for good health, patience and serenity.
Long-range parenting 